This past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. I've been feeling a little blue recently and can't pinpoint exactly why, other than I have a bad cold and I am not exercising regularly enough, my marriage has not exactly turned out the way I wanted it to, Alex and I often don't see eye to eye, and I feel as if I live my life in a constant stressed out state of worry or panic. But in between all the blue there are sparkles of light that bring a smile to my face and a sense of excitement to my life.
Just two weeks ago today I was sitting here staring at my computer screen thinking about a half sibling of mine who I have never even met. All I knew about this man is that his name was Tom and that he might be in the music business. Now, those who know me know that I can pretty much scout out any person in the world who I am determined to find. After all, I found two other half siblings two and a half years ago with very little information but with them I at least knew their last names which can be a handy bit of information to have! So.......feeling a little downtrodden last Thursday I realized that I would probably never find or meet or talk to Tom.
I was home last Monday afternoon having left work early because I was feeling a little under the weather. My cell phone rang. I picked it up. It was my sister, Heather. There was excitement in her voice. "Guess who found us", she said. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went but I can tell you there was a lot of laughing and Heather was pretty emotional. Tom had found her on facebook. Heather has been wanting to find him for years.
Here is my first letter to Tom which I sent right after I found out how to contact him:
Dear Tom:
It is rather strange that I was wondering just a few days ago how we could go about finding you. As my daughter, Kate, says "you have amazing intuition Mom". I think things sometimes and then things happen like this!
Let me first introduce myself. I was born Barbara Jean Dailey on July 28th, 1962. I thought my parents were Carolyn and James Dailey but I found out quite by accident when I was 24 that James (Jim) was not my dad and my natural father was Bruce McKinley. The sister I grew up with, Julie, and I used to joke that we weren't really sisters because we looked nothing alike but I was quite shocked to find out that we were actually only half sisters (we have the same mom, Carolyn). I was quite lucky I suppose to have a dad that accepted me as his own and he will always be my "Daddy". I never knew Bruce McKinley but apparently when I was really little he used to come over and play with me and according to others he really cared about me a lot. I think he was a sentimental soul and cared a lot about all of his children, you included.
I found out about Heather and Josh when I was about 30 and often wondered where they were and what they were like. And then, one day at work just over two years ago I started looking for Heather. I found her on Myspace and flew up to Minneapolis to meet her and Josh a few weeks after that. She had been looking for me for 15 years. When we met at the airport we must have stood there and laughed at each other for about 10 minutes straight because it is quite obvious that we were well.......sisters : ). I met Josh the same day. He looks nothing like Heather and I. He's a great guy. Very level headed and easy going. Not sure what he still thinks of me. I think he is a little freaked out to think there is more than one Heather!
I found out that you existed that same trip and have wondered where you were ever since. Uncle Lyle (who you met) passed away last year. I think he was the only family member that you had met and the only one who possibly knew your last name. When I met him two years ago I asked him if he could remember your last name and he could not. So.........dead end street. I thought that we would never find you, or meet you.
I know this must be a little overwhelming to you finding three siblings on one day. Needless to say I would love to know more about you if you would like to share. Especially since you have been so much on my mind these last few weeks. No pressure......I am only your big sister......long lost relative! Seriously. No pressure at all. I am open to knowing you if you are up to it as well but I won't hound you about it. I totally understand that your family are really the people you grew up with and know well.
Just so you know a few tidbits about me. I grew up overseas in the Cayman Islands with my sister, Julie, and my Dad, Jim, and my step-mom and step siblings. Moved back to the States for college in Texas. I now live in Indianapolis, Indiana. I have two children. Kate is 19 and goes to Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Alexandra (Alex) is 15 and is a sophomore in high school. I work for a small law firm as a legal assistant downtown. I have been there 20 years. I am married but I don't live with my husband of three years. We split up in July. He's not a kid person and living with him with my girls coming and going was not a good fit for him. We still see each other and we get along quite well and as he says, "All married couples would do this if they could manage it"!!! I divorced my girls dad when they were really little and was on my own for 12 years before remarrying. I am really independent and set in my ways. I always have been.
I hope I haven't bored you with my synopsis of my life. Anything you want to know, just ask. As a friend of mine said when I found Heather and Josh....."You just never know if you might need a kidney or something, so it's great that you found your family"!!!
You will love Heather. She is so funny, and sweet, and crazy......and she is the beautiful one! She has become my best friend since we met. We have a lot in common.........except I am a bit more grounded than she is.....and a lot older My girls just love her and her little boy. I wish we lived closer.
Well......little brother Tom. It is so fantastic that you found Heather. She was SO excited. She has wondered about you and looked for you for so long. She wanted a big sister and she found me. AND she wanted a big brother too.....and here you are.
Just wondering where you live. I assume you are in the USA somewhere?
Big hug from your big sis' Barb
It is rather strange that I was wondering just a few days ago how we could go about finding you. As my daughter, Kate, says "you have amazing intuition Mom". I think things sometimes and then things happen like this!
Let me first introduce myself. I was born Barbara Jean Dailey on July 28th, 1962. I thought my parents were Carolyn and James Dailey but I found out quite by accident when I was 24 that James (Jim) was not my dad and my natural father was Bruce McKinley. The sister I grew up with, Julie, and I used to joke that we weren't really sisters because we looked nothing alike but I was quite shocked to find out that we were actually only half sisters (we have the same mom, Carolyn). I was quite lucky I suppose to have a dad that accepted me as his own and he will always be my "Daddy". I never knew Bruce McKinley but apparently when I was really little he used to come over and play with me and according to others he really cared about me a lot. I think he was a sentimental soul and cared a lot about all of his children, you included.
I found out about Heather and Josh when I was about 30 and often wondered where they were and what they were like. And then, one day at work just over two years ago I started looking for Heather. I found her on Myspace and flew up to Minneapolis to meet her and Josh a few weeks after that. She had been looking for me for 15 years. When we met at the airport we must have stood there and laughed at each other for about 10 minutes straight because it is quite obvious that we were well.......sisters : ). I met Josh the same day. He looks nothing like Heather and I. He's a great guy. Very level headed and easy going. Not sure what he still thinks of me. I think he is a little freaked out to think there is more than one Heather!
I found out that you existed that same trip and have wondered where you were ever since. Uncle Lyle (who you met) passed away last year. I think he was the only family member that you had met and the only one who possibly knew your last name. When I met him two years ago I asked him if he could remember your last name and he could not. So.........dead end street. I thought that we would never find you, or meet you.
I know this must be a little overwhelming to you finding three siblings on one day. Needless to say I would love to know more about you if you would like to share. Especially since you have been so much on my mind these last few weeks. No pressure......I am only your big sister......long lost relative! Seriously. No pressure at all. I am open to knowing you if you are up to it as well but I won't hound you about it. I totally understand that your family are really the people you grew up with and know well.
Just so you know a few tidbits about me. I grew up overseas in the Cayman Islands with my sister, Julie, and my Dad, Jim, and my step-mom and step siblings. Moved back to the States for college in Texas. I now live in Indianapolis, Indiana. I have two children. Kate is 19 and goes to Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Alexandra (Alex) is 15 and is a sophomore in high school. I work for a small law firm as a legal assistant downtown. I have been there 20 years. I am married but I don't live with my husband of three years. We split up in July. He's not a kid person and living with him with my girls coming and going was not a good fit for him. We still see each other and we get along quite well and as he says, "All married couples would do this if they could manage it"!!! I divorced my girls dad when they were really little and was on my own for 12 years before remarrying. I am really independent and set in my ways. I always have been.
I hope I haven't bored you with my synopsis of my life. Anything you want to know, just ask. As a friend of mine said when I found Heather and Josh....."You just never know if you might need a kidney or something, so it's great that you found your family"!!!
You will love Heather. She is so funny, and sweet, and crazy......and she is the beautiful one! She has become my best friend since we met. We have a lot in common.........except I am a bit more grounded than she is.....and a lot older My girls just love her and her little boy. I wish we lived closer.
Well......little brother Tom. It is so fantastic that you found Heather. She was SO excited. She has wondered about you and looked for you for so long. She wanted a big sister and she found me. AND she wanted a big brother too.....and here you are.
Just wondering where you live. I assume you are in the USA somewhere?
Big hug from your big sis' Barb
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